hey

once again, i havent been on in a while and i was being tugged at to write again and see if anyone had any new posts and such.

how do you feel about not talking to your best friend for weeks and eventually months. after spending so much time with them everyday for a few hours and then just completely cutting them off because your lazy or you dont want to go through the hassle of calling them or something.
its a bad feeling and feels almost like betrayal.

i havent been talking to the lord in a while, and i actually do think about it but when time comes nada. i miss Him and i need him yet i dont talk to him or anything.

in bruce almighty, bruce asks God how he can make someone love him without controlling free will. and god says welcome to my world. good point.
i guess in the same way i can ask myself, how can i talk to God everyday without stopping? what do i have to do, how do i make the effort to do it, this and that this and that.
i guess my real answer would be to just do it. sit down, get quiet, close my door and get down to work. and its not because i have to(partially) but its because i want to but i guess i just dont want it THAT much if i dont do anything to help myself.

and at the beginning of every week i tell myself goals i want to accomplish for the week and i tell myself ill do it throughout the rest of the quarter. but then time comes and slowly one by one i push things off and nothing ever gets done.
No qt, no praying, no running, no working out, always eating fastfood, blowing money, all these things i dont want to do yet i thrive in all of these which is bad.

i guess tonight when i pray probably after i write this, ill ask God to straighten me. But i also feel like i am choosing to ask him now at this time because i need help, and when God does help me then i will stop talking to him again and the whole cycle will eventually repeat itself.

God, dear father, im sorry. make me consistent, unlazy, strong willed and minded, and let me kick ass for you. and also let me be a missionary through ihopu. amen

peace and love

God=Good

God is so good to me.
Two or three months ago embarked on a journey to deepen my relationship with my maker. I had no idea what i signed up for or what i would experience or anything about it. One of the homies let me borrow a book, and i just thought it was gonna be some book that i would read and put down, but it wasnt like that at all. This book "Secrets of the secret place" by Bob Sorge is a book to more deeply make your relationship with God more personal.

Immediately after the first chapter, i was hooked. Consistently i read this book every night before i went to bed and during this time the Lord and I had this relationship not only from creator to creation but a friendship that developed into a best-friendship. He gave me just a little taste of His mind which was more than i could handle and as i poured my thoughts to Him ( even if He already knew everything i was thinking) a bond that i never experienced was created. This book was so good that i actually delayed myself from reading it because when i finished i wouldnt know what to do. but i finished it and thank the Lord for bringing this book into my life. I hope that if anyone reads this book that it will do as much for you as it has for me and also i hope that i didn't over hype this book but if the Lord wants you to read it and experience something great He will let it happen.

After reading this book my personal one on one relationship with the Lord was built and established, and i continue to go to Him daily and not only at night but throughout the day now too.
After i read this book, i started reading another book called "Pursuit of the Holy" by Corey Russel. This book also led me to many thoughts and increased my actions to become more like Jesus.

After all this, mixed with VBS 2011 and summer retreat 2011, I have learned so much and have seen the Lord do many things. Also I myself have learned to be tested and not get angry because this is how the Lord tested me. I learned to put my all into the Lord, with anything and everything. I had some struggles that I knew without the Lord i wouldnt be able to get through. and it really is the truth that if you seek and ask and knock you will receive the goodness of God.

What i write is merely words and one testimony. But the experience i am continuing to experience is unexplainable.

My life goal which i want to accomplish is to be a missionary for the Lord for the rest of my life so people can experience this friendship between pathetic humans and the Alpha and Omega. His love is uncontainable but the world is containing it and holding us down from what the Lord can do in our lives.

I wish i could write all that I have felt but a simpler solution would be to make Jesus your best friend and experience it yourself. :)

BOOKin it

Secrects of the Secret Place by Bob Sorge

For a year or two now I was always going to buy this book and going to read it and going to do devo's with it but it just never happened. Someone offered to buy it for me but i said i was gonna buy it myself but never happened. Then one day someone lets me borrow it before they go on a trip. Let me say that i should have got this book the minute i heard about it. Life changing, mind thinking, God allowing, etc etc

This book is a "guideline" ish type of book for igniting your personal one on one time with God. And this is something we absolutely need.

It's like this book is so good i don't want to finish it because i dont know what ill do when im done haha that good. But i am glad i finally got a chance to read it and i think the timing that i started was good too. Really needed a personal relationship with God and what time better than summer where all i have is time.

Almost every night before i sleep i would read like a few chapters(the chapters are retty short so you just want to keep going and not put it down but then the time gets early into the am and we need sleep) and then maybe read the bible, pray about, put in my ipod with my praise music playlist and fall into my sleep. This simple routine has been so good to me and has just opened my eyes and all parts of myself to everything. Ultimately being as close as i can to God, meaning the same characteristics and the type of person he was, is how i want to be and how we all should be.

For the first 2/3rds of the book after every chapter i read i would just get this vision of me preaching at my church at the pulpit with a eddie/tommy esq way of preaching. No bs just God type preaching. Where everything is straight and the urgency in the voice was loud and clear. Thats what i see after almost every chapter.

And after each chapter, during the days that follow you learn to mature and you become mature, meaning you see everything differently. If one thing got you mad before then now you would see it as a test and change stuff like that.

I strongly suggest that everyone read this book and hopefully it'll do the same as it has done for me and many others.

God is good, too good for us. Yet He allows us to even speak His holy name. People need to be more urgent to try and attain His acceptance and try to be known by Him before its too late and He will say that He never even knew us at all no matter what we did for Him on Earth.
We have to be better brides to our bridegroom. He is the most perfect person ever and for Him to want to marry us, look at ourselves, not worthy to be even invited to the wedding but yet He gives us this chance this opportunity to wed with Him. It's beautiful.

Go to Him, He's been waiting

stright outta young nak verse 1 (nwa:stright outta compton)

straight outta young nak
a bunch of crazy ass christians
so loudly proclaiming their religion
caleb and eddie with their sermons
you better watch out all you mormons
you know what you better read the bible
this ish is so damn reliable
and if you dont man you not saved
more like the world is enslaved
every time you praise the lord you see jesus
you dont believe me well believe this
or else you might cry
and this this aint no lie
so give up your wrongs
put down the bong
you know what Jesus is so strong
open up the book and praise the christ
you know why cuz he payed the price
you understand what im tryin to say
you better not wait before its too late
He'll come right before you
and ask you only for the truth
itll be him and his angels
lookin at you from all angles
and will you be ready
can you be steady
Holy Spirit he is the Christ
and you better get that right
so when im walking in the hood
trying to do some good
im lookin for some passion
not carin about my fashion
cuz jesus loves me for who i am
he is my Shepard i am his lamb
stright outta young nak



check it

reminisce

ever have that thing where u smell something and it brings you back to a memory or something? or when you here a familiar song that you haven't heard in a long time and you hear it then bam you just get a rush of memory that lets you see in to the past almost.....yeah just had one of those and damn made me realize me now compared to me a few months ago as i was graduating high school.

so much has happened really more than i can remember. im such a different person than high school, things have changed some for the better and some for the worse, but all around i am a different person. so much time has gone and too quickly at that. it seems only a few weeks ago i was moving into my dorm. such a time existed and will never come back. do i regret anything eh nah not really, but there are somethings. new friends, lost friends, old friends, everything is different. is change good, can someone take all this change at one time in a short period of time? its ridiculous. but life goes on, its constantly moving and changing, life changes more than anything compared to it. damn sounds hella weird. lol this is what freaking owl city does to me haha but damn i used to listen to them during senior year and in the beginning of college year. so as i listen to it now, i am remembered of that time. oh what a time it was.

the concept of "looking back" at life, into your life, back at your life, all is quite a time spent. so much goes on and your brain is just pulling back information and memories from all times back. and then you feel how u felt then and you feel it now looking around the room with new eyes, old eyes that of the old me and for a temporary second i am who i used to be, unchanged, but i snap back and can only think with a burn in my heart when i look back.

good luck chuck

ever see this movie with dane cook? Well quick summary. He gets cursed as a child and cant find love for the longest time. what usually happens is he will sleep with some lady and then find out a few days later that she found the love of her life and probably get married. follow me here? if not watch the movie.

i feel like im in the same position. (not the sleeping with ladies part)
it seems to be that throughout my life, whichever girl i started to like or liked for a while, guys would always come and take the girls i always picked. wtf is up with that ish.
i like on girl and a guy tries to make a move. i like another girl and another guy comes and swoops. not saying that they end up together or anything but still leaves me hanging.

happened recently so thought i would bring it up this ish sux. but i guess the only silver lining out of all of this would be since the girls i like are always getting taken by other guys, i guess you can say i have good taste? lol but no game :( hahah what ev

step up bat 1.000

(no cockiness intended)

I feel like YNECM is great it really is its my home and i love it and for the most part everyone in it. But it could use some help (substantially) and also i would like to bring up a few points.

1. if a few people were gone then YNECM would crumble and fall apart. Meaning...if the people that are outspoken, loud, well known among everyone, always on stage and participating....these people if they were gone then there would be no college ministry. And you know its just the truth straight up and im sure its the same for all other ministries. 10% of the people do 90% of the work(j.Park). its the truth.
2. the laziness and last minte-ness of college students really reflects on how the ministry is run. The past two retreats i went with YNECM (summer and winter) could have been so much better and i mean soooo much better. I mean the speakers were great and at winter retreat we had like the all-star team of speakers come out (Erna Hackett my love) and bless them for coming really. but in the summer the games were terrible, winter the games also eh. and the facilities were bad but we cant do anything about that so its ok cant get mad about that. And my peers who i speak with also think the same, the retreats werent as good as it used to be in YNESH(speaking for freshmen idk about the upperclassmen). I know alot of people who are discouraged to come now. its like why waste money on crap. Just the preparations were bad and not thought out. Too little people were trying to do too much work and this was discussed in meetings. so at least that was brought up.
3. SAN- yeah it was good, fun, all that good stuff. But guys come on. we had two days(come slept overnight) and all the work was done two hours before the event. The decor was whack, performances were good but could have been better, the mcs well i love em but yeah no good.

And yeah who am i to tell anyone seriously who am i to tell anyone anything, why am i constructively but honestly even writing this? Im not even a part of a committee or active in church or anything. so yeah i should shut up right now really i should. but it has to be known it has to be said and has to be known to the people that these things are occurring and this is what some people think.

In YNESH i was Vp and then Pres. I worked my ass off for the most part until i became a second semester senior in hs and yeah went down the drain. But man lemme tell u my council and we were one heck of a team. we took jobs from teachers and helped lift a load off them and cooperated with them where students and teachers worked together to make and create something amazing. the retreats were fun people for the most part actually wanted to go and if they were forced they had a good time.

Assuming i become a strong christian man(which the world is desperately in need of and also the church and our church) I feel like i can change alot of stuff.
and not to sound cocky but any committee i join will be the ish, i sincerely am not boasting and just as a human i do feel a little bit prideful and im sorry about it but i just need to say this.

Again assuming i change my life for the better and i make a 180 degree turn in my life both spiritually and worldly, i feel like i can take over YNECM and just kill it (in a good way like yeah i killed u know like totally destroyed the final like that connotation) i feel like i can just do so much in life with christ by my side, i mean hes always there but with me and him in a closer relationship than ever before, and not just me, anyone with a close relationship with God and the desire, i promise u we can make it happen, be revolutionaries and just change the image of YNECM...Kwon out
Peace and Love

me now

dang been a while since i blogged over here. second quarter of college is almost done. Finals week. Awana olympics, plans for next year, church plans, commitments, ladies lol, what i gotta do to live a simple life. become a billionaire lol. in class in bed looking straight ahead, not making anything for myself cuz im controlled by nature and the lazy time comes no stars robert ebert.

but i have so many goals and high expectations, but just cant get to work no motivation, i have spur of the moments but i dont go with it my plan is to let life come and get in it. bad idea its not gonna work in order for me to be rich i gotta do some work, so lazy and my friends we all bring each other down but at least i know together well be bums on the ground, but this life these friends i wont give up for nothing not even fame riches or even all bi!@#$ i scratch my whole body cuz i got alotta itches, but my life is slow i cant manage nothing of it, and at thee very end it wish i wasnt with it

u feel?

life wrap

my life seems to be going through some hard ass days
trying to overlook the terrible past ways
rough times at school man now you on my level
can you see me in the morning do i look disheveled
my swag is at risk my bold is all out
im standing over you and you close your mouth
you not so tough man its all a bluff
and the trees that we blow make it puff puff puff
on the twenty on the fourth i reach the skies
its my time no school no ties
its gonna be a long day
here what i gotta say
(beat to "on my level" by wiz ft too short)

Haven't been here in a long time. Missed this place alot lol. But now im in my second quarter and its going ok im having fun getting to work all that good stuff. Church is fun and getting better and school is always good. Got a close family here and weeded out all the people i know that i wont kit with but these people are life long folks