chillin

ive been hanging out with my small group members and daniel so much lately. one week we went to my place and kicked it in the south bay then we went bolwing with some homies then we went to wi spa, only the best place in the world. im so happy our bonding is going so well.
the only things is the attendance in these outtings is very small. the givens who go to all of them are always myself and david jin. we always go and the others usually switch off. its hard to have people come out to things whether it be outtings, or 33 or aything these days. and others agree its hard to have people come out to things.
its outtings and bonding eperiences like jimjilbang that connect us like crazy. and for guys theres a special connection for obvious reasons but after step one its all down hill and your bonds with one another are just so much closer. and then with this close bond can u grow in the spirit.
and volleyball prac has started for the tourney in march(come out and cheer) and the schedule is alpha 7 to 9 then prac 9 to 11. but its funny when i come down from alpha to see like a group of 20 kids who cane just for prac and not alpha. i was like in a joking matter hey i didnt see any of you guys up there. but inside i was lowkey disappointed.
and one time we had a bagging for homeless thing. and the things was they said come help out and make lunch bags for the homeless and SENIORS we will help you out with your applications. that night there were so many people that came out. thats freakin ridiculous i was mad. and one friday night some of the homies agreed to meet up and work on apps together and they all met up and came and worked on them. they all whipped out their laptops which will be replaced in college and did that work.
its sad to know that people can come out they just dont want to. my one group of friends are so apathetic to Christ and jus religiona dnespecially openeing their hearts to others as well. they are so confined in clique mode they dont receive or let go of what they have. and it is good that they are so close no doubt but sometimes change we need. thats what i did.
but i luv em to deatha nd wud take a bullet for any of em. and they complain about how the ministry isnt one cuz of cliques and stuff and sepereation and stuff but helllooooo its uuuuu thats the problem. open ur hearts and eyes. there are so many people not only ion our church and ministry but amongst the globe who go unnoticed. like toby mac says we are one choice from together. go out and say freeakin hello or hi its not that hard. and once that obstacle is complete itll be easier.
so much more to vent and complain about but i apoligize for pointing out the speck of dust in others when i myself have a plank in my own eye but u need to be aware

peace and love
maranatha

jr. high

went to second service praise today at jr high with the jesus freaks. dude im so jealous for few reasons.
i have no musical talent so im jealous about that and these lil kids were rocking it man it was freakin legitttt. they seem and sound low key better than high schools praise team. it was freakin crazy man im still trippin about that. it was really good. and they sounded really good too. and these kids, so young, so innocent, and so holy. like sooooo hollyyyy. and they only growing in it. when they in high schoolm they gonna tear it upppp like i cant wait for them to grow man. im soo jealous and envious. like its embarassing to see them then see high school its ridiculous. and they all lil cuties man. they all younger siblings of people i know it was so crazy. and dudeeee, THEY PLAY SO GOOD. like a band of angels directly from heaven playing their chords with teh guidance of angels. yeah thats how good it was.
aiite man im out but dude. just thinking about this trips me out. i luv these kids and they dont even know whoi am lol
peace and love
maranatha

hey yo sometimes your down
you got a smile but its flipped upside down
your alone with no one to call
walking along down the dark hall
there are few who feel your sympathy
but are they there can they support you mentally
sometimes everything seems to be going away
and then you ask do i go or do i stay
a lot of times we're just too depressed
and there's only one way to relieve all our stress
aint nobody gotta feelin like me
oh man oh man why you gotta let this be
everything's going down in an awkward spiral
im so cold i think i gotta a viral
nothing you can do or nothing you can say
can make this pain ever go away
sometimes all you gotta do is keep your head up
and look into the sky and fill up your cup
only one thing can clean your slate
and cleanse your heart and un-stain the hate
have you found Him have you seen His eyes
to the spirit that can hear all your cries
...i dont feel like finishing this
Peace and Love
Maranatha

people

people people people
u love some u hate some. sometimes there's too many of this type or too little of that type. no one is perfect and u have to settle for mediocre. then there's some u ABSOLUTELY cant stand or be around or look at or just be affiliated with them in any way shape or form. but what can u do. u could ignore them for as long as possible. thats not a bad idea.
but the ones u just want to kill dang it would feel nice if they didnt exist. we all have em dont act like u dont. these few that just really grind ur gears until theres no more grinding left. its like how did these people "make" it in life. damn just thinking about those few make me pissed.
and dont gimme that BS of dave this sounds very christian of u. way to be a follower of christ. way to be a bad example to others. thats some bs yall act like yall love er body in the world. and its prolly that the person or persons u hate hate u right back. and thats cool im fine with that. i could care less.
then they go and put on that fake face. oh man that gets me the worsttttt. i hate that fake identity thing to fit in thing ohhhh mannnn now u got me started. my gears are gonna grind all night tonight. whooooooooooooo blowing off steam.
aiite well ttyl
peace and love
maranatha

What?

its everytime someone walks by. everytime you chat or post or something that should seem insignificant but you blow it up and make it the most important thing and focus that thing to make yourself feel better. it happens when theres more than one and you dont know which to choose.
when they get noticed or something happens and they are in the spot light and are the center of attention and they just seem harder than ever to resist.
this is one of the things i wish i could get rid of in thw world. more than anything for me at this point. over poverty at this point i would prefer this be gone before that. it controls your life, how you live it, how you want to look, how you act, talk, eat, dress, walk, study, basically everything in your life can be attributed back to this. and then when another person is there it goes even higher.
and just realizing it isnt enough. though a good step 1 def not the last step. one of the hardest things to overcome.
and with todays world it makes it even worse that you cant do this. i suffer from this all the time. everyday. and the little things they do i make it seem like it was the most important thing ever that i received...to be cont
Peace and Love
Maranatha

jealous much

Jealousy will knock you the eff out. Its so hard to control but once you realize and talk to someone about it gets easier. but it lingers over you like a rain cloud that seems to pour on you an everlasting storm.
whether its with acceptance, ability, appearance, quantity, etc. itll always bite you in the butt. and as things are always happening you can and will always get the opportunity to be jealous though you should never.
this is a hard sin to overcome high key it really is.
and theres so many ways to cope with it but since the side effects of jealousy are usually negative you just become a bad person in a sense and just put people down and talk behind backs and just deal with it on your own in an unhealthy fashion.
dang if theres one thing i could get rid of it would be jealousy.
Peace and Love
Maranatha

IHOPU

so its been on my mine for a long long time but i never knew if i should. i heard about ihopu before but i was like nah man. its not accredited and its still new and stuff. but i guess pastor howards sermons reassured me in a sense.
i KNOW that when i go here(if i do) that it will just explode my spiritual life. or it may hinder more than ever. i could get so tired of them and just not in the mood to do what they want but i hope i do not get hindered like that. i hope here God will just open me and take advantage of me and just takeover my life.
i feel like if i go here that my life will be spiritually strengthened and all my aspects of my christian life will be stronger.
with resources like the 24/7 prayer room, and easier access to conferences and internships i think my faith will be broken and released all to Him.
i want to go and visit so i can see if the campus and state is truly for me.
if u know me u know i absolutely love ucla and its been my dream since elementary school to go here. but at this point if i got into ihopu and ucla i think id go ihopu. i know crazy right.
i want everyone to go here so we can all grow together and just wake up and see the Christ, but everyone has there own plans and ihopu just was never an option. alot of people prolly dont even know about it. but think about it...wouldnt it be great to have you, your friends, and other strong christians praising God and learning about him together? i think it would be amzing. i got my friend to print out an application so i hope it works out.
God is doing so much for me and i feel like i can do so much more to my absolute fullest ability if i go here.